LONDON (The Borowitz Report)â€”Across the United Kingdom on Friday, Britons mourned their long-cherished right to claim that Americans were significantly dumber than they are.
Luxuriating in the superiority of their intellect over Americansâ€™ has long been a favorite pastime in Britain, surpassing in popularity such games as cricket, darts, and snooker.
But, according to Alistair Dorrinson, a pub owner in North London, British voters have done irreparable damage to the â€œmost enjoyable sport this nation has ever known: namely, treating Americans like idiots.â€
â€œWhen our countrymen cast their votes yesterday, they didnâ€™t realize they were destroying the most precious leisure activity this nation has ever known,â€ he said. â€œWankers.â€
In the face of this startling display of national idiocy, Dorrinson still mustered some of the resilience for which the British people are known. â€œThis is a dark day,â€ he said. â€œBut I hold out hope that, come November, Americans could become dumber than us once more.â€
iRabwahÂ | News Watch |